I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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