i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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