I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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