just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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