As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize