it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the day after is always just damage control
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Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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