Nicole vs. Life
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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