True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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