i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize