you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think your dad took our porno
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You ate ashes out of my bong
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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