She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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