Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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