dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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