Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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