Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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