the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
that may or may not have been my penis.
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