i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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