Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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