I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize