I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize