My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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