watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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