2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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