Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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