She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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