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Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
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