i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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