Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
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did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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