Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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