Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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