my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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