i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize