I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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