I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize