You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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