you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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