i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize