as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
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Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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