you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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