every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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