Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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