good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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