Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize