she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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