Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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