he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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