yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Randomize