No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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