Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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