I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have feelings that need drinking.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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